Choice: The Magic Wand You Love To Ignore

Of all the things I could I have chosen to do today, writing in my blog was not one of the things I had planned on choosing to do. I noticed its been a good 2 years since I posted anything new in here and so much has changed with me that when I was reading my past posts it was like I was reading someone elses blog. Some posts are beautiful, some are just crazy. Half tempted to delete them I chose to keep them here no matter how off the wall crazy or strange. Most were written before I entered mental health treatment a few years back and I have changed a lot since then.

Not sure what it was that led me back to this blog today. Perhaps because its the last day of 2017 and I wanted to go out this year with at least one word for this year. Or maybe just thinking back on this past year and 2016 and how many choices I did or did not make and where I am or am not now today.

The Bible Says: "Ask and You Shall Receive" You just have to be careful what you ask for in life cause it WILL show up, just NEVER in the way you think it will. Over the years I asked for a small wood/log cabin house in the woods to live in. I also asked for a way OUT of the moldy, smelly, falling apart toxic hellhole I was living in. In September 2015 I made the demand for change and lets just say in October 2015 the start of that change began when my moms landlord died. June 2016 was the final kick in the pants when her landlords daughter and husband sold the house/property we were renting from/living on and kicked us out. The situation was such my mom refused to move or even made an effort to choose a better and healthier and safer living situation for years. She would complain about the house and the mold and everything, but do nothing to change it. I made suggestions and offered alternatives, and was always was given some excuse why we could not leave even though the situation was getting worse every year we stayed there. It got to the point I gave up.
On my end I could have chosen to just leave her. At the time it felt light and expansive to do so. But I chose NOT to and my health suffered for it. With her being disabled and me being the only one able to take care of her I felt trapped. I demanded a change, yet in this case I also chose not to follow the choice that the Universe the suggesting I take and trusting in my knowing. I instead followed "the hard way" and stayed with my mom out of fear I would go to jail for abandonment of a disabled person. Would that have happened? Who knows? I never let the Universe have my back and show me what it could do to help me in that situation. 

I got to see what happens when you refuse to choose and the Universe finally forces you into it!

A Friend of my mom's invited us to move to her farm as she had, a little wood log cabin, for us to live in. :) We both tried every other place in town to find a new place to live, only for a door to slam shut. I knew this meant obviously those were not the paths we were to take. For me, moving to her friends place felt LIGHT and expansive from the start and told her we should move there at the beginning. When we finally got tired of running around wasting time with doors being slammed in our faces she asked me again if we should move in with the friend. YES!

I Had a 2000 Ford Mustang Convertible. I got the awareness to sell it. This was a hard choice to make as this was my first car. I knew we would need the money to help move and it would be one less thing I would have to drive up to the new place. I ran into 2 paths of selling it that did not work and found one that did. The one that did work sold the car and got me the cash we needed for the move within 24 hours. Based on the expansive energy, I knew I was "supposed to" sell my car.

It wasn't until we moved to our new city did I realize the difference in energy. Where we had been living for 10 years had a "give up, death, and decay" kind of energy to it. The new city and area we moved to has a "moving, working" energy to it. After we moved I discovered through research the old city I lived in is a major illegal drug trafficking corridor in the state I live in, and the new city/surrounding area is a major industrial port city for the country. No Wonder! 

After we got here and over the rest of 2016 and over the past of 2017 other things have changed based on different choices I have made. And others I have not made. In April of this year there was a handsome guy I was talking to in a doctors office that my awareness was suggesting to "ask him out for coffee." Regardless of what his answer would have been, it felt light and expansive to HAVE asked. Did I ask him? No. I let my old habits get in the way and chose NOT to. What could have been possible had I chosen to ASK?

One of the things I am being treated for is anxiety. In one case, anxiety for talking on the phone with someone. Over 2016 and 2017 I had MANY moments where I either HAD to talk on the phone with someone or risk losing a service or something. OR it would be for a medical appointment ride or something similar that would make my life easier and my body more comfortable. For example I had 2 rotten and broken teeth that HAD to be pulled. My body was in pain and was ignoring it for years. I made the choice this past year to force myself to get on the phone and get an appointment for a surgery date. I asked my body what it wanted and it was a resounding "YES! Get these teeth pulled please!." Once I had them pulled and my gums healed up I felt better. I made the (different) choice to change and improve my life. Over the years I spent ignoring the problem did not make it go away (as that's not how this reality works.) While it did take me 2 years in therapy and medication to get me to the point where I could actually pick up the phone and make the call and the arrangements for the surgery, I was able to do it.

Each day over the past year and a half I have spent paying attention to what I choose. Ok I admit not everyday. But there are days where I will stop and pay attention. One of the things I would hear over and over again in various Access Consciousness® classes would be....

"Choice Creates."

Every second of every day is another possible new choice or reality you can create. I even have an entire tellecall on my ipod on the subject of CHOICE that I never listed to as it was something I never really wanted to look at before. In the past I always would wait for someone else to do things for me so I could not only blame them for when things go wrong, but also completely give away my power. How cute!

What is it about choice that we love to ignore? Do we think we really have no choice? Do we love creating our lives by making choices so our lives are created as limited as possible to create the illusion of having no choice to create "evidence" that our point of view that we have no choice exists? 

In recent months I have made more effort to follow my awareness. I still have to work on actually picking up and talking on the phone, but I noticed things show up and change easier when you just make the choice to pick up the phone and call a person. This may sound strange to you, but being Autistic, that's not how my brain works. Over the years I have had to learn that, so to speak, if you want to read a book you have to actually get up, walk over to the book, pick it up, look down, and start reading. That's an example of how this reality works. I am wired more for instant transfer. Physical speech that we use to communicate is too damn slow. Where are the telepaths?

Back to what I was saying.... The more I chose and chose DIFFERENT from what I normally chose, the more different my life shows up. If I chose the same thing, the same shows up. That applies to you too! Now mind you I am taking this whole choice thing slowly cause it might just be way too much fun for me to change everything in my life by tomorrow. I think I may finally be getting the idea however.

Over the years I have read things I have written in the past, or said on recordings in the past and realize I would keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.
Did you know that can be considered the definition of insanity? At the same time that is one of the things that drives me batshit nuts. Hey, if you see it in others, you most likely do it yourself!

The point is simple. You can buy every talisman, book, teleclass, seminar, or whatever you want to fix whatever you think you need fixing. OR you can ask yourself...

"What Different Choice Can I Make Today That Will ________ " (fill in blank)

Make me money right away? Change This? Get Me A Job? Etc....

Pay attention to what you become aware of. You may hear people say you have the ability to change anything in your life because its true. Your life is the way it is because of the choices you made along the way to get you to where you are today. No one made you who you are, you chose to be there. For whatever reason it was you had at the time. And btw if you are pissed off and offended by this then that means its true but your not willing or ready to look at it. Looking for a magic formula to change your life? Its called Make a DIFFERENT CHOICE Today and everyday!

If You Had Only 10 Seconds To Live The Rest Of Your Life, What Would You Chose?