Moment Of Vulnerability Part 2: When Snakes Attack

Well that was interesting..... How does it get any better than that?
Today's post is just a quick update. So yesterday I wrote Moment Of Vulnerability. I had a few people thank me for writing it last night. This morning however was a different story:

Logging into my email, Facebook, and whatnot I had over 10+ people accusing me of numerous things. They ranged from any of the following:

1. Bitterness
2. Anger
3. Greed
4. Lazyness
5. Who the hell do you think you are?
6. Showing off
7. Attention getting
8. Wannabie
9. Stupid Horebag
10. ....and something about how I need to be quiet and just be happy I am alive and stop complaining cause it isn't going to get better, only worse.

For a split second I found myself trying to go into their maze to figure out where they were coming from. Especially since what they said made no sense in context of what I wrote and be. Then I stopped myself and looked at it, and received it all. Asking a question and asking for help is not allowed apparently for these people. Ok.

When you are being yourself and being in total vulnerability and allowance, you are going to get attacked for no reason at all. This is the main reason people keep walls up, to prevent getting attacked. That's OK too, always a choice. Remain a prisoner or let yourself free? Also, when you are being a space that someone isn't willing to go themselves, you are going to get attacked because they are trying to keep you in check with this reality. You will also get attacked since we are taught to attack when someone is vulnerable as it is viewed as a weakness, when in actuality it allows you to be aware of everything. And sometimes its just those people where someone who hated you in another lifetime and they decided to take advantage and throw a knife at you when you were in a perceived weakness.

Also, when someone accuses you of something it means that that is what THEY are being. NOT YOU. People accuse what they themselves are doing. And that is a 2 way street: if you find yourself accusing someone of something that's you being that trying to pin it on someone else. When someone accuses you of something and it doesn't make sense, that's cause it isn't yours in the first place.

Or sometimes people just are angry you were willing to do and be something they are not dare do themselves.... :)

Who the hell do I think I am? I am me. Who are you?

A Moment Of Vulnerability

When you don't know when to start: Just start. And Ask.

This is the moment of choice my friends, allies, enemies, competition, or whatever you view me as despite what the tools of Access teach. I can't keep going on the way I have been. So I am halfway there. Or am I just starting? I got trained as a Bars Facilitator and now teach this energy healing process that has changed my life dynamically. It only took me 2 years to realize the gift that The Bars are, and the gift it is to be able to unload and let go of shit so things can be ease and things show up faster, and I'm actually starting to like me and do my best to enjoy life and be grateful for what I have. Except I have been "stuck" here for almost 2 years now. Am I just resting up for the next journey? I'm ready for the next step now. Being a BF has its limits for what products and classes I can or cannot create and teach and I'm suffocating here.

Ever had the experience of people coming to you asking for facilitation for things that the you in the future would be able to help with, however you are still stuck at BF level and can't help them with it, yet you are the person who can help them with it and they chose you, and you are the specific person who they require for whatever reason, yet you can't right now cause you have not yet caught up to yourself yet? Had people coming to you for help from the person you are not yet? That's been me the past 2 years.

Truth whats stopping me from moving on to Certified Facilitator and stepping into the me other people are looking for?  My current point of view that's been keeping me stuck is the technicality of the rules of this game in terms of actually having the money to actually be allowed to take and complete the classes, the transportation, hotels, and so forth.
And boy have I done a good job in making sure I keep creating my life to keep that point of view valid. All the way to the point now that I actually found what it was I was looking for I can't actually do it in terms of making sure I never had the money to be able to fully step into this and step into me. Brilliant aint it? That which I came here for I can't have cause I don't have enough token points or keys to unlock that door in the game we play called life.

Truth, what reason did I create it this way? Did I take a wrong turn somewhere?

Ok I admit it: I fucked up this round of the game. Like, royally fucked up. I made a few turns and went down a few streets I knew I should not have gone down, went straight when I knew should have turned right, I fucked up this round of the game so much I got myself stuck in a damn Underworld cage to the point I can't get out and money is the only key it accepts to unlock the damn door. Access is the only thing that works in this shitass reality and its the only reason I agreed to come back to this shithole reality in the first place (and the person who convinced me to come back here, your still an asshole :P ). If I can't do Access and become a Certified Facilitator and be able to do the classes and so the stuff that I actually know will be fun and expand my reality and help make my life more easy, joy, and glory, and have all of me back and kick ass with what I know and be and create what I know is possible (with the tools) and have all of me so I can help the people who are looking for me with the tools and awareness they require at the time, then I'm not interested in being here anymore. I am not going to live my entire rest of this life like it has been going. So here it is, the moment you never thought you would witness... 

If you HAVE money....

Can I have some money please?
Can I have some help with this? Can I have a big ass fucking gift? Can I have more money please? Whether you are loaning it to me (and I will pay you back in one way or another) or choosing to gift it to me free and clear, can I just have the money now please? Or can I have a job that I would enjoy doing that you would be willing to pay me for to help me generate and create the money? Or can I have a job even if all I do is be your personal "Bars runner" and run your Bars everyday and pay me money for it instead of a swap? Or can you send me tons more people to teach Bars to who actually have the $200/$100 for it? Or can you send me people just to run their Bars for $100 per session? (I have actually never had a paying monetarily client for private sessions, its always been swaps with BP's OR we trade things for Bars. What would it take for people who have money to come to me asking me to run their Bars?)

Going to buy something through the Access Shop? If nothing else can you please buy your next book, class, or mp3 through my affiliate link so I make commission money on it that I can use it for paying for my classes?

My Access affiliate URL is :
https://accessllc.isrefer.com/go/accessshop/JMart/

Alternatively you can also go to:
www.theaccessconsciousnessshop.com
(It goes to my affiliate URL link as well.)

Or if you would like to just contribute a gift/loan me money directly see the bottom of this page to contribute with a credit or debit card online.

Current Living costs $900 a month. I'm sure this will change as I go further and grow and evolve. Sometimes I can't pay shit and sometimes I can take care of everything including my body. Sure, I do make some money from classes and other stuff and it more than I made before I started doing Access, and pretty much it all goes to my bills, food, family, medical care, gas for my car, cat food/litter/whatnot and rent and my 10% to me as possible. Its not MORE to allow me to do MORE. I have been living on the corner of Going Nowhere and Shitsville for 10+ years now living my parents lives. Enough! I'm 29 years old and Ill be fucking damned if I go into and start off my thirties decade of my life in May 2015 in the same hell I have been in all my 20's. And I know if I don't do this now and just do it NOW and go haul my ass to Facilitators and just go for it all nothing is going to change.

Ever asked the Universe to show you what the future of your life would be if you did NOT do something? What I saw was sad, not just for me, for everyone else too, and that is NOT happening!

The classes I have done:1. Bars (3x)
Foundation & Level 1 (1x)
Level 2&3 (1x)
All done online except for my first 2 Bars Classes.

Currently: Bars Facilitator. ($100 per year)+
Access Profile Page to make it easier for people to find me: $120 per year
The classes I still require to take to get to become a CF:Foundation & Level 1 (1 more x through OR a 3rd time through if I wait too much longer) $800 each
Level 2&3: (1x more) $1,100 + Finish paying off my first 2&3 before I can do more classes - $1,980 owed
10 Commandments Tellecall: $550
Distracter Implants Tellecall: $485
Need & Tug Tellecall: $550
Deal & Deliver Tellecall*: $150
(* this one I actually already have and been through it. I will admit the audio was gifted to me by a facilitator and no I am not saying which one. Technically speaking I just have to actually pay Access the $150 for it in order for it to be added as class credit for actually having done it on my class records.)
Energetic Synthesis Of Being (1 time): $1,800.
Reference Materials & Test- $whateverthatisiwillaskwhatitislater?$
Facilitators Class (1x): $3,700-$4,895 I'm aiming for specifically THIS ONE if possible.
CF License: $200.

The Classes I Would Like to Do Additionally just for the fun of it:
Symphony Of Possibilities: $2,000Symphony Of Possibilities Maestro: $2,400
Body Class: $900
Advanced Body Class: $1,500
Being You Changing The World: (In Person) $1,200

Oh I also would like to be a Talk To The Entities Facilitator As Well:
(Why not? What else is possible? I mean Ive been talking to dead people and all sorts of crazy shit we all know "don't exist" like vampires, werewolves, elves, faeries, and dragons all my life? Id fit right in there!)
Talk To The Entities Begginner: $50+Repeat
Talk To The Entities Intermediate: $600+Repeat
Talk To The Entities Advanced: $600+Repeat
and then some!

Oh and Can I go back to doing the monthly Global ESC ($120/mo) and Creative Edge ($130/mo) on the phone?

And Then $5,000-$10,000+ish a whole bunch more extra to cover hotels, airline tickets, and/or any other things my body will require for me to take care of it and to actually fly around and do the classes that require me to be there in person with my body in order to qualify for CF license. Also to cover any upstart costs like printing manuals and shit ill require for F&L1 students.

Oh and one more thing, Universe: Can I have a place to actually teach classes and do private sessions in that actually works? The shithole moldy trailer I live in (thats SO NOT worth the fucking $675 a month for it! What would it take to change that?) isnt gonna cut it and hotel rooms are tiny. Can I have the money to rent bigger places or buy a house thats beautiful, my body and I both enjoy it and works for classes? And can it be somewhere where of my own or with other people in Access who are not going to judge me and are grateful for me being there? And can you send someone to take care of my mom and can provide her what she requires and giver her HER OWN place to live for the rest of her days here so I can go do what I know its time to do and be? Whether she likes it or not?

And a massage table: Can I have a fucking massage table now please? Its kind of retarded being a Bars Facilitator and not even having a massage table.

I have heard Facilitators suggest to just go and ask for money. They say ask and you shall receive. What have I been unwilling to do? Ask for help. I have been going it alone for so long asking for help was unacceptable. If you think I am weak for asking for help fine. I have been avoiding asking for help to avoid being judged. So be it. I don't care anymore, I just know its been time to do be what I came here to be. I get it, I can't do some shit without money. I get it, I can't do the classes without money. Its ok. If you are worried whether I will use the money for classes, does it matter? I don't care about the money. Right now all I care about is getting to where I know I know I am supposed to be. If money is required to do it, fine, then can I have the money to do it please? If it is what I have to have to do what I have to, choose, to demand of myself to do and be then so be it. Can I have some help getting there please? Cause I either I go and do it and be it or I'm gone. There is work to be done here if there is still time to do it.

So here I am: The glorious whoever and whatever I be. Here. Now.
Thank You For Reading.

---

Can I have the money now please? Can I have some help with this?

(Note: My credit card processor charges me 2.9% + $0.30 fee for received payments. Keep this in mind if you choose to contribute.)

CLICK HERE TO MONETARILY GIFT TO ME. 

When No One Gets The Brilliance Of You

Ever looked at yourself in the mirror and wished someone would just see you? Just "get you" for once?

Or perhaps you created something beautiful or have a secret that you know will help change the world and make it a better place, and no matter what you do people still don't get the gift that it is. Or the gift that you are. Or the gift that they are that they are that you can perceive that your gift or talent would help them shift that thing they are looking to change and could see more... if if they just took a minute to try something new and stop trying to keep doing only a certain thing or the same thing that doesn't work over and over again!

Or worse, you know you gift is worth way more than you are pricing it and some jerk has the point of view your gift isn't worth honoring you or paying you for your time in helping them out with said gift. Maybe you have or have not been on either end of the spectrum, yet it seems this is something that sticks people first starting out with anything.

One of the major things that sticks people, myself included, is the idea of not being complete unless we have validation or approval from an outside source. That's not your fault, that's just the stupidity of this reality. There is a saying we have in Access Consciousness: 

"You Get It When You Get It."

What did I not get? The Universe is YOU. Sure we have been taught someone outside of you (God?) is the one to give credit to for everything with idea that something outside of you is responsible for everything. Yet we don't give US credit for what we create. All of it. Everyone has a gift, has a secret (yes, even you) and we keep trying to look to others to see if we are making a ripple in the world. Are we making a difference? You are a unique point of view of the Universe looking at itself from a different vantage point. When you are the one who enjoys the hell out of yourself and just plays and has fun and enjoys what you create, that is when others can see it.

One of the things I do is I will look at what I created, wrote about, or whatever it is and see how pretty I am that I never noticed before. Even the ugly, scary, dark and twisted parts of me are pretty. There was a time not too long ago where if what I did, chose, or created was not being aligned and agreed too it meant I was worthless. 

Truth be told I discovered that when I am LOOKING for people to see me, looking for people to see what I can and perceive what I can, or look for evidence I am doing enough, being enough, or whatever enough no one pays attention to me. Ok cool. Its those times when I just go "f**k yall" and just go off, play, and have fun, and create whatever the hell I choose to no matter what anyone elses point of view of it would be, that is when I start getting people emailing me and thanking me for something I contributed to them, people would contact me for a Bars class, or whatever weird s**t I'm doing at the time, or more money would show up, or otherwise things would show up when I least expect them to. 
When I am LOOKING for it, that's when I trying to prove I am worth being here. When I already KNOW I am worth being here and just have fun and enjoy the wonderful weird chaotic random lil weirdo I be, no matter what others think of me and not care who comes along to enjoy the ride with me, that's when people take notice. We have been taught half-a** backwards how to be here from the way it actually works. Have you noticed? 

In the book Divorceless Relationships by Gary Douglas there is a story where he talks about how when you go out on a date with someone you typically for 10 seconds see each others as you are, then start cutting off your arms and legs to be able to fit into the other persons judgments or reality (or at least the one you think they have). Or in the case of the example given in the book it symbolizes cutting off your arms and legs to be able to fit into a small car cause you really would like to go out with the other person, but it requires you to diminish you in order to be able to do that. You do that instead of just stating what does or does not work for you. What shows up then is the other person eventually loses interest in you because now you are no longer the person they first became interested in or fell in love with. Where are you doing that? CLICK HERE TO READ MORE

1. When you feel alone and no one sees you, be the one who sees you.
2. When you create something beautiful YOU be the one to see how pretty it is.
3. When you see sadness and pain, (or if you are the one who is sad and in pain) YOU be the one to be caring and provide the grateful nurturance and healing. 
4. Never been hugged? Has it been awhile since someone so much as even touched you? Give yourself and your body that. Or better yet go find someone who will give you that hug or touch you.
5. Been abused? Mistreated? (CLICK HERE FOR HELP) Treat yourself the way you should have been treated. You being caring and loving and grateful to yourself takes away the power you gave to the person abusing you. From there, you have awareness of everything
6.  Be the one who celebrates you even when no one else does.

No One Else Can "See" you til YOU "see you!"

Are You Willing to See You?