Choice: The Magic Wand You Love To Ignore

Of all the things I could I have chosen to do today, writing in my blog was not one of the things I had planned on choosing to do. I noticed its been a good 2 years since I posted anything new in here and so much has changed with me that when I was reading my past posts it was like I was reading someone elses blog. Some posts are beautiful, some are just crazy. Half tempted to delete them I chose to keep them here no matter how off the wall crazy or strange. Most were written before I entered mental health treatment a few years back and I have changed a lot since then.

Not sure what it was that led me back to this blog today. Perhaps because its the last day of 2017 and I wanted to go out this year with at least one word for this year. Or maybe just thinking back on this past year and 2016 and how many choices I did or did not make and where I am or am not now today.

The Bible Says: "Ask and You Shall Receive" You just have to be careful what you ask for in life cause it WILL show up, just NEVER in the way you think it will. Over the years I asked for a small wood/log cabin house in the woods to live in. I also asked for a way OUT of the moldy, smelly, falling apart toxic hellhole I was living in. In September 2015 I made the demand for change and lets just say in October 2015 the start of that change began when my moms landlord died. June 2016 was the final kick in the pants when her landlords daughter and husband sold the house/property we were renting from/living on and kicked us out. The situation was such my mom refused to move or even made an effort to choose a better and healthier and safer living situation for years. She would complain about the house and the mold and everything, but do nothing to change it. I made suggestions and offered alternatives, and was always was given some excuse why we could not leave even though the situation was getting worse every year we stayed there. It got to the point I gave up.
On my end I could have chosen to just leave her. At the time it felt light and expansive to do so. But I chose NOT to and my health suffered for it. With her being disabled and me being the only one able to take care of her I felt trapped. I demanded a change, yet in this case I also chose not to follow the choice that the Universe the suggesting I take and trusting in my knowing. I instead followed "the hard way" and stayed with my mom out of fear I would go to jail for abandonment of a disabled person. Would that have happened? Who knows? I never let the Universe have my back and show me what it could do to help me in that situation. 

I got to see what happens when you refuse to choose and the Universe finally forces you into it!

A Friend of my mom's invited us to move to her farm as she had, a little wood log cabin, for us to live in. :) We both tried every other place in town to find a new place to live, only for a door to slam shut. I knew this meant obviously those were not the paths we were to take. For me, moving to her friends place felt LIGHT and expansive from the start and told her we should move there at the beginning. When we finally got tired of running around wasting time with doors being slammed in our faces she asked me again if we should move in with the friend. YES!

I Had a 2000 Ford Mustang Convertible. I got the awareness to sell it. This was a hard choice to make as this was my first car. I knew we would need the money to help move and it would be one less thing I would have to drive up to the new place. I ran into 2 paths of selling it that did not work and found one that did. The one that did work sold the car and got me the cash we needed for the move within 24 hours. Based on the expansive energy, I knew I was "supposed to" sell my car.

It wasn't until we moved to our new city did I realize the difference in energy. Where we had been living for 10 years had a "give up, death, and decay" kind of energy to it. The new city and area we moved to has a "moving, working" energy to it. After we moved I discovered through research the old city I lived in is a major illegal drug trafficking corridor in the state I live in, and the new city/surrounding area is a major industrial port city for the country. No Wonder! 

After we got here and over the rest of 2016 and over the past of 2017 other things have changed based on different choices I have made. And others I have not made. In April of this year there was a handsome guy I was talking to in a doctors office that my awareness was suggesting to "ask him out for coffee." Regardless of what his answer would have been, it felt light and expansive to HAVE asked. Did I ask him? No. I let my old habits get in the way and chose NOT to. What could have been possible had I chosen to ASK?

One of the things I am being treated for is anxiety. In one case, anxiety for talking on the phone with someone. Over 2016 and 2017 I had MANY moments where I either HAD to talk on the phone with someone or risk losing a service or something. OR it would be for a medical appointment ride or something similar that would make my life easier and my body more comfortable. For example I had 2 rotten and broken teeth that HAD to be pulled. My body was in pain and was ignoring it for years. I made the choice this past year to force myself to get on the phone and get an appointment for a surgery date. I asked my body what it wanted and it was a resounding "YES! Get these teeth pulled please!." Once I had them pulled and my gums healed up I felt better. I made the (different) choice to change and improve my life. Over the years I spent ignoring the problem did not make it go away (as that's not how this reality works.) While it did take me 2 years in therapy and medication to get me to the point where I could actually pick up the phone and make the call and the arrangements for the surgery, I was able to do it.

Each day over the past year and a half I have spent paying attention to what I choose. Ok I admit not everyday. But there are days where I will stop and pay attention. One of the things I would hear over and over again in various Access Consciousness® classes would be....

"Choice Creates."

Every second of every day is another possible new choice or reality you can create. I even have an entire tellecall on my ipod on the subject of CHOICE that I never listed to as it was something I never really wanted to look at before. In the past I always would wait for someone else to do things for me so I could not only blame them for when things go wrong, but also completely give away my power. How cute!

What is it about choice that we love to ignore? Do we think we really have no choice? Do we love creating our lives by making choices so our lives are created as limited as possible to create the illusion of having no choice to create "evidence" that our point of view that we have no choice exists? 

In recent months I have made more effort to follow my awareness. I still have to work on actually picking up and talking on the phone, but I noticed things show up and change easier when you just make the choice to pick up the phone and call a person. This may sound strange to you, but being Autistic, that's not how my brain works. Over the years I have had to learn that, so to speak, if you want to read a book you have to actually get up, walk over to the book, pick it up, look down, and start reading. That's an example of how this reality works. I am wired more for instant transfer. Physical speech that we use to communicate is too damn slow. Where are the telepaths?

Back to what I was saying.... The more I chose and chose DIFFERENT from what I normally chose, the more different my life shows up. If I chose the same thing, the same shows up. That applies to you too! Now mind you I am taking this whole choice thing slowly cause it might just be way too much fun for me to change everything in my life by tomorrow. I think I may finally be getting the idea however.

Over the years I have read things I have written in the past, or said on recordings in the past and realize I would keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.
Did you know that can be considered the definition of insanity? At the same time that is one of the things that drives me batshit nuts. Hey, if you see it in others, you most likely do it yourself!

The point is simple. You can buy every talisman, book, teleclass, seminar, or whatever you want to fix whatever you think you need fixing. OR you can ask yourself...

"What Different Choice Can I Make Today That Will ________ " (fill in blank)

Make me money right away? Change This? Get Me A Job? Etc....

Pay attention to what you become aware of. You may hear people say you have the ability to change anything in your life because its true. Your life is the way it is because of the choices you made along the way to get you to where you are today. No one made you who you are, you chose to be there. For whatever reason it was you had at the time. And btw if you are pissed off and offended by this then that means its true but your not willing or ready to look at it. Looking for a magic formula to change your life? Its called Make a DIFFERENT CHOICE Today and everyday!

If You Had Only 10 Seconds To Live The Rest Of Your Life, What Would You Chose?

Consciousness Has A Sense Of Humor

Funny Quickly Story: So I have been playing with creating subliminal version audio products with my TotalJoyy stuff. For fun a few days ago I created one with the Access Consciousness  mantra for myself to use. Anyway fast forward to today, I been up all night and recorded 15ish audios for the "health and fitness" category. When I listed to them before I saved the files they were "correct" as in they had what I recorded on them.

Later on I go about getting ready to upload to my website when I open one to listen to it. I hear something strange. Instead of hearing "I lose weight quickly and easily" or whatever else I recorded with the dance music I mixed it with, I instead get peaceful calming music and hear ...

"ALL OF LIFE COMES TO ME WITH EASE JOY AND GLORY"®

I check another audio and its the SAME THING.
I check 5 audios from different subjects, Same thing!
I check the whole fucking collection and they are ALL me saying...

"ALL OF LIFE COMES TO ME WITH EASE JOY AND GLORY"®

For a moment there was a "WTF?" in there and then I started laughing . I spent 8 hours working on these and ended up with all of them saying "ALL OF LIFE COMES TO ME WITH EASE JOY AND GLORY"®

Is This A Sign? An Omen? Or me the BEING playing a prank on myself? Or a little bit of each? :)

[BREAKING NEWS] Malaysia Airlines MH370 Left Engine Wreckage Found In Reunion

On Wednesday July 29th a piece of what has now been confirmed as a Boeing 777 flaperon (a part of the wing the helps the pilot control the aircraft in flight) has been sent to and currently in France to verify that the part is indeed associated with Malaysia Airlines MH370. The discovery was made on the tiny island of Reunion, off the coast of Madagascar.

As we all know, (or at least most of us with exception to some people who live without televisions and radios and thus had no idea there was even a plane missing and wound up burning what may have been a seat from the aircraft by accident like this guy) Malaysia Airlines MH370 went missing from radar screens on March 8th 2014 over Vietnamese airspace in the middle of a changeover from Malaysian air traffic control to Vietnam.

So what happens when a quiet island that is unused to being in the media spotlight, is suddenly thrown into the public spotlight from an event many of the people who live there don't even know about for the most part? Rumors and Conclusions get spewed around. People make things up to get seen in a way they have never been exposed to before, and debris so to speak hits the fan. And then to finish it off, what happens when you have a sort of former exchange student friend who happens to currently live on Reunion suddenly texts your cell phone and tells you this....

Note: I still have one of those old flip phones, no smartphone, and no way to screenshot the convo here...

 Tela: "are awake aidan? ther big round thing with lines broken in front outside my yard in my beach. who do i call?

Me: "Um. Call the cops? What else does it look like?"

Tela: "it has thing on top that sticks go to the right, knives in front, wires, metal, its circle, long, and white grey. Maybe engine or some?"

Me: "Call your local authorities. What are you texting me for I cant help you from here."

From what she described it could be the left engine of the plane? I will not go down that path as she is the one there not me.

I Have not heard back from her yet, but this shows where people can go to panic when there is something "big" going on. Question is, how much of what we read in news reports are actual facts and what is stuff humans have made up and then decided was real?

Has anyone ever noticed how we make things up and tell someone and when the other person buys it, it becomes real, and becomes a reality. How much of our reality we live in just everyone making fabricated things real when it isnt? What would it take for that to change?

And then we have all the conspiracy theorists on both sides, some saying this proves their theory, and others (if this wing part IS from MH370), would prove their idea was incorrect. Why? Because something that rivals their reality shows up people don't know what to do with it and freak out. Isn't that interesting?

What can we do to help the investigation actually FIND what happened to this plane by not making things worse with false information? And if you find something that MAY be from the plane, let someone know!
Even if it turns out incorrect. Always better to say something.

And I don't mean your friend from the United States who isn't anywhere near you to help ;)

Fashion Trends: The Survey Panelist They Did Not Expect

Well....that was fun! So I was doing a paid survey on Clixsense and for some reason I got screened into a survey about fashion and trends and whatnot. Those things where they were asking if I followed trends or waited until others wore it or whatever. Not exactly what I am into, and to be honest it read more like a plug promotion to judge you into becoming anorexic and dressing like a celebrity because otherwise it means you are a worthless shit. I highly doubt they were expecting to meet me through that survey and I also doubt I was who they intended to target. Or was targeted correctly in a lame attempt to sling judgement just because they can? The whole thing was total judgment and being trendy and basically the usual being a "follower" thing this reality usually perpetrates. It was all one big interesting point of view. At the same time it brought up a furry and level of potency I never noticed I had. Some places I could write things in and I did. In short the whole thing was how do you force people to follow the trends they "should be" to make their lives better and whatnot. And that = you were a leader and empowering others to better themselves from their point of view. Interesting! At the end there was a place to write in. I admit I went off on them a little. And it was fun! I was laughing the whole time reading the sheer insanity of what some of the things said in this survey.
Did I go into slight reaction? You betcha! Was it worth it? YES! .....

 "I don't give a **** about trends. Its all about aligning and agreeing to judgment and what someone else says you should or should not do. If you follow a trend you are a follower. Forcing someone to do as you suggest to make their lives better from your judgment doesn't make you a leader. It makes you a Sheepherder. BAAAAAH! A leader be's who they be and knows what they know and doesn't look or force people to follow them. I empower people to choose for themselves and ask what they know that's true for them and what works for them. Whats unique about them? If someone comes to me and ASKS about something then I give them more information if they can receive it. I don't force my points of views on anyone and cut people out of my life to try to force me to fit into their judgments and points of views. I am me. I don't need someone to tell me what to do or how to dress or anything. I know what looks good on me and what makes my body come alive. My body knows what it likes. When are marketing people going to start inspiring and acknowledging what each person uniquely knows instead of making up and shoving the same **** down everyone's throats? Get a life people and discover who you are and stop being a follower."

This reality is all about making you someone you are not so you never find the greatness of you.

Be yourself and be happy as you are. Are you willing to be your unique self? 

Being everyone else was so 2014... ;)

Are You Abusively Avoiding The Free Gifts Of Consciousness?

Well.... This Is Awkward!!! First Awkward is I realize I have not posted anything new for 2015! Oops!

Fair warning, this post may hurt your head and be very confusing. Or will it sound like you? Now mind you things are getting better and easier, I noticed I still kept hitting a wall. "What Is this?" This whole thing came up after 3 nights of listening to the Clearing Issues of Abuse mp3, as well as listening to my own non-Access related Healing Your Relationship With Money Once And For All mp3. First I asked myself "What points of views about money do I still have that I don't know I have that's still getting in my way of things changing faster in my life and having all of me?" I hit PLAY and listened to that while reading my "Access Consciousness" related emails.

The main awkward moment showed up when I logged into my designated "Access" email for "Access Related Stuff" and go through the mass 5000-car-pileup of unread newsletter emails and notice I am on several Certified Facilitators personal lists as well as the main Access Consciousness mailing list and what they sent out mysteriously addressed the exact shit I am/was going through at the time the emails were sent and would have helped changed the shit I was going through at that time faster than the stupid shit I chose to do instead....
......had I bothered to actually read them and/or watch the videos provided and use the tools offered. ... 

hrm....  HOW CUTE IS THAT??? >_< 

So my next question is, are you are going through shit and asking for help and then ignoring / not receiving the help that's showing up and then wondering where the help you asked for is because you have tunnel vision and have concluded the help you are asking for is only going to show up one way?

In my case: I have to PAY for it! What do I mean? I mean I noticed I have the POV that I have to pay $1,000's+ in money for classes and whatnot in order for what I require facilitation with or help with to be worth asking for help with in the first place.

Huh?

Self Value rears its ugly head again! Apparently in order for me to receive I have to first prove I deserve it in the first place. Having money = being valuable. (Didn't I just get over that? Apparently not!) The only things than can help the worthless me is proving I am not worthless by paying money.  And on the flipside that which was gifted to me free was not worth it since I have to pay money in order to receive the gifts fully. I noticed the stuff people gifted me for free I either never listened to or signed up and did not actually attend, or watched it/listened to it once not really paying attention to it or even using the tools in it. There would be a rare occasion where I WOULD watch/listen to something that was a free gift and it would change my whole world (which of course proved my POV was total shit, yet I ran with it anyway). AT THE SAME TIME looking at things I would like to be able to do but can't quite "afford" to do it yet, all the while making sure I either get rid of money so I have "evidence" to use the excuse of "I don't have the money" or deliberately don't create it in the first place to keep me stuck.

I can only receive when I have earned it and prove I am worth being gifted to. I realized I'm one of those people who if $100,000 showed up in my checking account for absolutely no reason would panic and have to question where it came from and what I did to earn it. Or if a paid class was gifted to me, or if someone offered to pay for me or anything of the sort, I would go into "what did I do to deserve this?"

This of course makes it difficult for the Universe to gift to me or surprise and spoil me!
Kinda makes it difficult for the Universe to actually give me what I have been asking for!
I mean, DAMN! How many people have wanted to gift me things and could not as they knew I could not receive it? How many people HAVE gifted me things and I threw it back in their face cause I could not receive it? How many rules and definitions of what receiving is or is not have I created?

Scary Fun Facts About Me (as of February 28th 2014):

• I run my own Bars 99% of the time by both touching my own head and verbal asking them to activate (as I would have to have a reason to deserve receiving it in the first place even if I did pay or trade for it.) And when I do trades the run isn't as dynamic as it could be since somewhere in my world I am still trying to figure out what I did to earn it. To be honest its kinda scary at how skilled I am at running my OWN Bars now I have done it that way for so long. I only took the classes to learn how to do it so I could deliberately NOT have to pay anyone or trade. Cause you know, I have to do it all myself to prove I deserve it in the first place....
• I'm not on the Creative Edge Of Consciousness. I used to be "back in the day" when I was conveniently "testing the system" so to speak that I'm not going to go into. ;) When Gary and Dain did the free month in January I have YET to listen to the replay. I wasn't on the call. Or even the weekly processes. I haven't listened to them. I signed up and never listened to them. I never got to prove how valuable I am by paying for the class! Now if I PAID for it I would probably listen to the audios as there I would be making sure I "used what I paid for." Now I'm sure the January class was awesome, yet somewhere I can't get myself to listen to it because I did not "pay money" for it.
• I don't listen to the Weekly Free Voice America Calls! Gary and Dain do a 100% free Access class every Thursday. There was a time I listened to these devoutly (and my life would not be where I am today if I had not listened to them) as back then four or so years ago I had the POV I had no money and will never have money and this was all I will ever be able to get. When that changed and I started actually paying money for classes I dropped off the free classes and viewed them as "not as valuable" as the ones I paid for. The stupid thing is I PROMOTE these classes every week in my newsletter and don't listen to them myself! WHAT? When I DO on occasion listen to one it knocks my socks off and launches my ass through a wall into a new reality! So what the hell fuck am I not listening to them weekly? Now the associated "Pearls Of Possibilities" monthly club that consists of the verbal processes from the free show I DO listen to and download. Why? I pay $5 a month! I PAY MONEY FOR THEM!
• Dain's Tour Of Consciousness Videos on YouTube? NOPE! Well I may on occasion if its one where Dain is naked in the video as those seem to be easier to actually pay attention to..... AHEM! But for the most part I don't watch every video. And yet on the rare event when I DO watch them the video always is exactly what I require in that moment. Dain has a way of releasing videos that hit nail on the head accurately address whats going on for me and everyone. 
• Relationships and Dating and Sex: Avoid it all like the plague. Have I had boyfriends? Yes, and they all turned out to be abusive disasters as I chose the perfect people who would tell me how much of a worthless pile of shit I am and torture, rape and beat me. So I basically I stay at home where I don't have to put up with anyone's bullshit. Some people think I'm pretty and people check me out, but apparently I don't deserve sex or pleasure or to even be touched with any level of kindness or caring. Besides how can anyone love me if I apparently don't love myself? I always justify it as being happy I don't have to put up with someone else's shit and an easy way to avoid having children and all that overrated "family" bullshit, and might as well learn how to love myself first and learn to be alone and enjoy my own company. In short I basically just hate people. Socializing is pretty useless as everyone shows up with masks on and pretends to be who and what they are not and, one of the things about dating is people try to hard to show me what they think I wanna see to get me to go out with them instead of showing me the beautiful being that they are. Not interested in that. And when I meet someone who actually shows me them with no walls or judgement and has kindness or caring for me I have no idea wtf to do with it as someone who has the point of view I have to do something to deserve it in the first place. It doesn't compute. I go to "What do you want from me?" Of course all this isnt kind to my body AT ALL, which would like to be touched, have sex, play, and have people to talk to. People who do not judge me, have gratitude I am there, believe in me, and have my back. Question is can I, the idiot plugged into this machine (body) learn to receive?
• Free Access Specialty Classes on The Access TV Site: These are full blown intro classes for all the top classes provided by Access for FREE! Do I Watch them? NOPE! Of course if I $paid$ for an access ticket id be on that shit though!!! The Free TV August Events? NOPE! Not once! Damn! What am I missing out on????
 

Despite all this how can I know for myself how to help others like I do everyday? I'm an infinite being am I not? As are you! I tap into how I should have been treated not how I was treated. I remember lifetimes where I was treated with kindness and caring before I for whatever reason decided I could not receive that. Somewhere in my world I forgot that receiving is like breathing. Do I deserve to breathe? No. But we all do it anyway. I forgot that the trees and the plants and animals are there to gift to me. The Universe is always there to gift to me and sometimes it does send me surprise gifts to remind me that its there. Never in the way I think its going to show up. Are there things you have to pay money for? YES. Am I willing to? Yes.

The idea however of "free stuff is worthless" is the biggest mistake however. The stupidest part of it is when people bitch and complain about them not having money and how "there is nothing for free" (when there is) and then when you give them free shit they don't use it anyway! WTF??? I now get why the paid classes are priced as they are as so many people have these same shit POV's as you read above. Monetarily paying for it pretty much guarantees people will actually get off their ass and listen to/use said class or product. BTW you can pretty much get all the core class tools and info in the free classes if you know where to look. Do you have to pay money for the actual class to receive credit for having done them for a license or whatever? Of course! Free stuff psychologically is seen as useless. Well, its not! Well, ok yes there ARE useless free things out there, however what if the majority of them are NOT useless? Are we so callused to having been given so much crap shit free stuff we assume and conclude its ALL that way? Take my Free Peace & Calm mp3 I gift subscribers on my mailing list. From tracking statistics I noticed something startling. 99% of My subscribers so much as even DOWNLOADED my free gift! Much less even listen to it! Why? They monetarily paid me nothing for it! Now the stuff they BUY from me they email me all sorts of gratitude, however they never accepted the free gift I gave them. The mistake people make is that mp3 really IS worth $100 and took a long time to create as did the other 10 mp3's in the collection, and its amazing if you actually USE the damn thing! There is maybe a tiny 1% that actually listens to it and now their lives are getting easier. I suggest to listen everyday for 30 days. Has anyone actually done that yet? A rare few who get it do! Do you? The only free things people actually listen to on my website are the free full listens to my audios because they are PAID audios and supposedly that means they are better than the FREE MP3! Really?

So how many people are REALLY willing to receive? Being able to receive includes everything! Most people who own programs think giving away something for free will make people more likely to sign up and use it. Sometimes that's true but don't assume them to actually USE IT! I already proved my point of view that "free stuff is worthless" as every time I listen to free access stuff things shift and my life gets easier. How much faster would things be if I were willing to receive all gifts from the Universe?

How much faster would things change for YOU if you stopped ignoring Free Gifts that Access Consciousness, me, the Earth, the Universe, God, or ANYONE gifts you? 

Would you be willing to make the demand of yourself and challenge yourself for at least the next 30 days, to listen to and actually USE one free audio, video, or whatever it is that you got or will get in the future from somewhere for free? Doesn't matter what it is, be it a class or free bracelets being gifted at the grocery store.

Would you be willing to take up that challenge? 

Just to see what shows up? Whatever that is or looks like?

Who will you be in 30 days?

If so feel free to start clicking below for a FREE GIFT to get you started. 

But its ok I know you can't do it... :)

12 Things I Never Knew About My Body That I Learned Over Christmas

Yeah I know, its been awhile since my last post... I have been a lil distracted. :) Anyone else notice how fast the world around us is changing? Like light-speed fast...

For me, just the past week I have discovered a few things about my body I never noticed before. It started with the "How To Survive The Holidays And Still Be You" Free Hangout with Dain (Heer) and Blossom (Benedict Vanderpol). I like many others enjoyed it and from there went on about my life as it is. Right before Christmas one of the choices I made (and what was suggested in the video) was to not judge anything I ate or drank this holiday season. So I made the demand of myself I would actually do that no matter what. What showed up was interesting....

My body quickly got sick. Specifically my body had a swollen pancreas.Might I say, a swollen pancreas is NOT fun and I don't recommend choosing it or creating it in your body. I have been feeling "funky" for a few months in the sense I have had a pinching / "balloons rubbing together" type of sensation and finally my body had had enough of me not listening to it and did something that would get my attention. This time I asked my body what was going on. I put my hand over my body's upper right abdomen where the intensity was and asked what organ was there. The word "Pancreas" popped into my head and I looked up online what that part of the body does. The next words that popped in my head were "Alcohol" and "Fat". Finally I got a picture of organs pressing together and spending an hour asking questions and perceiving what was LIGHT (true) and HEAVY (Lie) what came up was I was drinking more alcohol and eating too much high fat foods and more food in general than my body personally can handle nor even wanted to ingest in the first place, and now my body's pancreas was swollen so much it was pressing against the Liver above it.
In other words, since I was not giving it what it actually wanted and ignoring it, it had to do something that was scary enough to get my attention and ask questions.
Of course being a Taurus (aka Stubborn Asshole) I did not go to the doctor or ER, or tell anyone of my predicament as in my family me and my body both know it would be made significant and therefore real and thus a conclusion.

Via the guide of asking questions and paying attention I asked my body what foods it DOES and DOES NOT like. The following are what I have learned about my body I never knew before:

1. Eggs, Cheese, and Butter: My POV: For years I would put a hardboiled egg, cheese, and a bunch of butter on EVERYTHING I ate. (Not Kidding) Did not matter what meal it was, eggs, cheese, and butter went on it. My Body's POV: I LOVE eggs, cheese, and butter! ... just NOT all at the same time at every meal! Can we please ease up on that shit and ASK ME if I would like one of those or not at all on what we eat?
2. Potatoes: This one surprised the shit out of me. I have been eating potatoes of all forms forever since my body was able to eat. My POV: I Love Potatoes! My Body's POV: Potatoes? EWWWW!!!!!Gross!!!! Not white ones, yellow ones, even sweet ones. YUCK! Yams are ok Though! Those are yummy! But for the love of God! No more potatoes please!!!!
3. Gluten: This was something I discovered with my body long before I came to Access Consciousness and was the first time I became aware my body did not feel good after eating bread or anything wheat and/or Gluten based by comparing eating regular bread with gluten free bread. Later blood test showed gluten sensitivity by modern medical points of view. When I switched off gluten that was the first time I started being able to perceive energy. My POV: I Love Gluten! My Body's POV: Ewww! Gluten! Yuck! Its a dead weed with no energy in it. No thank you. Not to mention it makes it harder for me to give you the energetic information you ask for when its in my system.
4. Bread: My POV: Sandwiches everyday!!!! Yummy Bread!!! Body's POV: Cornbread or Corn-based floured Gluten Free bread YES! Regular Gluten/Wheat bread, or Gluten Free potato based bread NO.
5. Rice: My POV: I Love Rice!!! Body's POV: I like CALROSE Rice and CALROSE RICE ONLY!
6. Corn: My POV: I Hate it when it gets stuck in my teeth! Body's POV: Those are MY teeth digbat and I say I look absolutely hilarious with corn chunks in my teeth just for fun! LOVE Corn!!! MORE!!!! MORE!!!! MORE I SAY!!!! Cornchips, corn on the cob, or cornbread or even those yummy corn-based English muffins you get me sometimes! CORRRRRNNNN!!!!
7. Fruits & Vegetables: My POV: EWWWW! Body's POV: MORE!!!! Love Fruits and Veggies! Salads with corn chips and honey mustard dressing on it everyday dammit! YUM!!!!
8. Honey Mustard Salad Dressing: My POV: I Like Ranch. Body's POV: MORE HONEY MUSTARD DRESSING!!!! Yumeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!
9. Alcohol: According to doctors and the mainstream medical community one of the things that contributes to a swollen Pancreas developing is too much alcohol. I asked my body about this and it said while it does enjoy alcohol sometimes, sometimes it does not. I discovered the mornings I wake up with a hangover or otherwise feel sick are the days my body was not interested in drinking, and the mornings we woke up feeling great regardless of how much was consumed were days my body DID ask for it. My POV: Must have a drink everyday in the evening and maybe get drunk. Especially a FourLoko, or 3 or more glasses of red wine, or 2-4 shots of tequila, or something that gets me drunk everyday! My Body's POV: I enjoy alcohol sometimes. Sometimes I like to be sober. I on occasion enjoy getting totally smashed, and other times I prefer to be just me. FYI, you don't have to have a drink everyday just because its nighttime. Ask Me Please! Sometimes I working on something and having to stop and deal with processing alcohol when I don't feel like it makes me kind of sad. 
10. Sugar, Salt, and Water: In Access, bodies typically need lots of sugar, salt, and water when listening to processing or after a Bars run. I typically listen to something Access related daily. However I seem to have not heard the part about asking your body whether it requires it or not until now. I would eat sugar, salt, and water in HIGH quantities. Everyday. If my Bars are being run I would assume my body would need sugar and salt. Sometimes I was correct, sometimes not. My POV: We are doing Access stuff/Bars/etc so you are going to need sugar, salt, and water body! Body's POV: Not all the time! When I require it! If I'm falling asleep or otherwise I do require it ill let you know. If not, please don't give it to me if I don't. Just because we are doing Access stuff doesn't mean I do or will require sugar and salt. Please Ask!
11. Coffee: My POV: Must Drink It Daily. With fancy flavored creamer that we change the flavor depending on season! (IE: Peppermint for Christmas, Irish Cream in March, Cinnamon Roll on my birthday or over the Summer, Almond Joy or candy flavored type for Halloween, Pumpkin Pie Spice for Thanksgiving, etc) Body's POV: I like BLACK coffee. No creamer, OR I also like that dairy-free soy based organic creamer we tried a few times. Did you notice how GREAT and joyful I felt? The flavored stuff RARELY. Maybe the flavored stuff for Christmas as a special occasion on a whim if I feel like it but not all year long please! Oh and I sometimes like TEA in the morning instead of coffee. Sometimes I like NO Coffee or tea at all! Can you please ask me first and not force me to drink coffee just because the American culture we live in drinks coffee everyday?
12. Christmas Presents: Your body will bypass you if it has too. So I got a few things for Christmas I did not ask for. Like a wood bed frame and wireless headphones. I have headphones! What do I need wireless ones for? I have a mattress on the floor and its comfy! What do I need a heavy ass 250lb beadframe for? What I discovered is my BODY bypassed my wish list for this year and asked my mom's body what IT wanted for Christmas. First I was irritated, but then I discovered everything I got my body asked for it and that turned into gratitude. What would it take to go to gratitude first for everything from now on? When I started to put the bed together and use the headphones I realized how nice it is to have a headboard with shelves in it for my books, and a bedframe with drawers underneath to store stuff in. And apparently my body did not like sleeping on the floor, it wanted a real bed! And the wireless headphones make listening to Access processing at night a little easier, not to mention I can walk outside and listen to music from my IPOD that is in my bedroom 140 feet away and not get hung up on wires or have to carry my IPOD even with me at all. I got a few other interesting things that made my body jump for joy and I discovered DO make life a little easier and more fun! Thank You Body!

In Short:  I created the swollen Pancreas in it by forcing my body to eat and drink what I wanted to when it didn't want it with complete dishonor and disregard for it. In short, my stubborn arrogance in ignoring my body and forcing it to eat and drink what I wanted instead of asking it what it wanted is what created this Dis-ease.

Since this, looking at all this with no judgment, I am grateful. The more I ask questions, the more I realize how much I concluded I knew of my body to now discover how abusive I have been to it.
The past week over the course of coming to awareness of this and more,my body has asked for things it required to shift, change, and reverse what was created. The more I pay attention, ask questions, and give it what IT asks for, and not give it what it doesn't ask for, (even if its strange herbs I never even heard of before) the swelling in my Pancreas is going down and we are feeling better. How does it get any better than that?

Ok, I Created This. Cool. What Will It Take To Change This and Have Total Harmony With My Body?

Do You Really Know Your Body? Have You Bothered To Ask What IT Does Or Does Not Like?

How To Escape Your Eternal Jailor

Ever chosen to experience something for far longer that most people would put up with it? You know, just to make sure you have enough experience to prepare you for what is to come and you are just psychotic enough to go above and beyond the limits of both human and humanoid reality?

"How many of you have an eternal jailor? It’s usually your mother. Then you
might have a brother or a sister who is the trustee."

An Eternal Jailor is a concept from Access Consciousness Level 3. In the manual, its mentioned as just a tiny footnote of mention. The above quote, and a simple question under it...

"Everything you aligned and agreed with and resisted and reacted to that allowed you to have an eternal jailor, will you now revoke, recant, rescind, reclaim, renounce, denounce, destroy and uncreate it all?"

This part is simple and to the point. Its to the point simply because the people who are not in an Eternal Jailor situation fly past it or don't see it, and only the person it will address is the person looking out in-between a set of bars across their face. Its worded in the manual for what it is, a footnote. And a choice.

Thing is for someone in this program its much more than just a footnote. Its uglier than that. For someone locked in that program life is basically a never-ending Catch 22. For every choice there is a counteracting program and another counteracting program holding some other thing in place. Most of the time it is your mother who is accompanied by "trustees" (someone who helps the Jailor maintain the prison). An Eternal Jailor household is a lifelong secret. It is a moldy, smelly, abusive program that leads to the decay and death of both the imprisoned and the prisoner all the way to the grave for both and all parties involved. It also sometimes "leapfrogs" meaning the mother is the Jailor, she grows old and dies and the daughter or son (Prisoner) has a child of their own. Guess who the child is? The child (new body for Jailor) grows up and regains control of the Mother (Prisoner). They exist a time together, the Mother (Prisoner) dies and the child (Jailor) now an adult has a daughter or son of their own (new body for the Prisoner) and the roles switch again. This system can go on for centuries and eventually neither parties can leave one another and neither remember they have choice in any lifetime.

Trustees are usually siblings. Sometimes the father helps as a trustee and sometimes the father and the Prisoner are the same person in different lifetimes and bodies both in the same place. Sometimes even other children at the Prisoners school or even teachers can be Trustees. Sometimes if necessary for the setup of that lifetime the Trustees can come in with animal bodies that have to be taken care of. The Trustees job is to create a reason and justification as to why the Prisoner cannot leave the Jailor. Lets say for sake of example the Jailor will have 70 cats that over the course of the prisoners life will be forced to take care of and when the Jailor gets too old to take care of the Prisoner she cannot move out and leave the Jailor because someone has to take care of both the mother and the cats and only the Prisoner is allowed to do so. And the Trustees make sure to keep adding to the filth you have to clean up, And you cannot tell anyone about it and you cannot ask anyone to help you clean it. If things get really drastic and as a last resort to maintain control the Jailor will fake having and create disabling disease in their body so the Prisoner has to stay and do everything for the Jailor.

The thing is there are two weapons the Prisoner has that is beaten out of and brainwashed out of using.
Choice, and Awareness. The Awareness to perceive what the Jailor is really doing under all the control, manipulation and lies and trusting your knowing, and the Choice, and courage, to make a move and a different choice outside of the program, even if you have to force it. Everything about an Eternal Jailor is reliant on the Prisoner not coming to the awareness they have choice as if choice is discovered there is a door to escape.

No matter what shows up, no matter what we lose, if we die in the attempt at least we die trying... sound the alarms boys, its time for a jailbreak! You know if you are in an Eternal Jailor situation or not. Ready?

 How To Escape Your Eternal Jailor:

1. If you are a caregiver who the one you are "caring for" also happens to be your mother with a "debilitating illness" and everything seems like a never ending Catch 22 you can't seem to get out of , read "From Caregiver to Caring" by Simone Phillips. You will know why when you read it.
2. Every Damn Word Out Of Your Jailors Mouth Is a Lie. Know This! As hard as it might be to believe and contrary to what we are taught in this reality, she has been lying to you, and she always will. Not even when she says she loves you. Its a lie. Sorry, Its part of the program. Its designed to create pitty and use the training of this reality so she can bring you back into control so she can continue the cycle of abuse. Feel heavy every time she says anything to you? That's because its a lie. TRUTH = "light", HEAVY = Lie. What makes you feel light and expansive is true, what is heavy and contorted is a lie. It can take practice, but if you pay attention you can use this to develop your awarness of whats really going on.
3. Watch the Disney Movie "Tangled" and Pay Attention To Mother Gothel: Notice anything familiar? Specifically the song "Mother Knows Best"? What does Rapunzel do?
4. What is Really Under This? Whenever she says anything to you, be it a question (statement with an accusation and question mark attached in her case) or ordering you around, ask yourself to yourself in your head, not out loud "What Is Really Under This?" and POC & POD (click here) everything that doesn't allow you to have clarity as to what it really is. In time you will start to notice things like how she says she is in pain but not really she just doesn't wanna do it, so she will make you do it for her. In time you will get images in your head as to what she is really doing behind everything. Once you get this, you can get one step ahead of her and out-manipulate her at her own game and make different choices. This is your secret, don't call her out on anything she will just use it as ammunition.
5. Expand Out Bigger Than The Universe: Close your eyes (ok fine keep an eye open to read this, sheesh! :P ). Now this is not a physical or cognitive thing and there is no right or wrong. Expand out as big as the room you are in in all directions, expand out as big as the city you are in, now as big as the country, now as big as the continent you are in, now the whole planet, now expand out as big as the solar system, now as big as the milky way galaxy, now as big as the whole universe. More spacious? Do this every day to keep you bigger than the Eternal Jailor program and going about your day will be easier. 
6. Learn How To Run Bars: The Bars Process is a hands on energy healing modality.Your Jailer most likely wont let you do the class or even Access as it works and will actually start breaking this program and she will see it as a threat and her job is to hold it in place, thus, banned to you. Now if she does great! If not, then lie to her and tell her you are going somewhere she DOES let you go (say grocery shopping) and then come up with another lie as to why you have been gone 8 hours (traffic, long lines at store, whatever). Go to the class and learn it, then buy something somewhere at some point in the day so you have a receipt with a time-stamp to prove you were "where you say you were" if she challenges. Practice running the process on yourself as much as possible as well as having someone else run yours when you are able. The more you get your Bars run, interestingly enough, the less and less of an "a**hole" your mother/Jailer will be and she will start questioning herself and making different choices with both herself and you. Bars not only changes and heals and creates space with you, it works on everyone else in your life even if you are the only one doing it. If you can get her to let you run her Bars, do it! If not, don't push it, just run your own. CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE BARS! 
7. Take Access Consciousness Foundation, Level 1, 2&3 Core Classes: The tools of Foundation and Level 1 gives you practical tools in your own life, and then 2&3 contain processes that unlock several other programs that an Eternal Jailor relies on you having in order for the whole prison to stay in existence, that once you let those go, the Eternal Jailor aspect can finally come loose and break up. CLICK HERE TO SEARCH FOR ACCESS CORE CLASSES.
8. Pay Attention To The Things She Does Not Know About You: Everyone has something they have that has a secret, be it a piece of jewelry or whatever hidden in a drawer or whatever or even a knowing of something that's just fun for you she never knew about. If you have that, what else can you get away with? :)
9. Be Willing To Ask For Help. Self Explanatory.
10. Put 10% Of Your Money Away as an Honoring Of You, and DON'T spend it!: This tool is used to help you learn how to have money. In THIS case for an Eternal Jailor money is a key to getting out of the program. A Jailor usually forces you to live with them or something similar and permeate in their stink and take care of their choices and never let you have your own if it does not suit them. Money allows you to have the power to buy your way out and is a key to get you out of anything. A Jailor views money to equal meaning power and dominance. So usually a Jailor will strive to have more than you and get rid of it either find a way to steal all your money or keep creating situations to keep forcing you to have to pay for everything and/or otherwise make you get rid of it all. Find a way to make money without her knowing and keep 10% of it and hide it where she cant find it. This will energetically make her appear "bigger" and more powerful than her and creates space and ease, which goes against the program. When you have more than she does it will driver her batcrazy and she wont know why. This will get VERY uncomfortable and you will get urges to get rid of it and situations will come up that seem like a "necessary expenditure" don't fall for it, don't spend it. Go make more money, and DON'T keep the money in your purse during the course of this. Get a lockable cashbox with a combination she won't know or a safe to keep the money in and hide it where she wont find it. Keep it up. Ride out the storm and grab the popcorn. The process is entertaining to watch.
11. When She Is Driving YOU Crazy: Repeat this over and over under your breath or in your head "Everything is the opposite of what it appears to be, nothing is the opposite of what it appears to be." 
12. When in doubt, drink it out:  If she is really driving you crazy, if willing, have a few drinks. Not drunk, just one or two, take a breath, and do whatever you have to. Relax and be happy and do your best to smile and have fun no matter what shows up. Jailors hate happy, they want you dying and miserable.
13. If she Drugs You: On the flip-side if she drugs you or buys you alcohol, its to medicate you so you don't notice what she is really doing and keep you in an illusion. Just be aware.
14. Do One Thing Per Day That Is "Forbidden": You know what that is. You know, the stuff that scared the bejessus out of you and those things your Jailor bans you from doing and trained you to never do? You have be trained and brainwashed to avoid them and do only what you were told was allowed. When you get resistance or "fear" comes up that is an energetic wall of your prison cell. Push that down and force yourself to do it anyway. It wont be easy, however the only way to get out of your prison cell is to bypass walls and get out is to do something different. The Eternal Jailor program relies on you doing the programmed motions, stability and consistency and repetitive pasterns to stay intact.Thus you have to force a different action in order to break out and counteract the program.
15. Get and Listen to the Clearing Issues Of Abuse Audio: CLICK HERE This program is abuse, especially to your body. Hug your body and listen to this audio. It will help unlock the abuse that got locked up. Not fun to go through, but if willing, things get easier. Run Bars also!
16. Look In The Mirror and Clean Up: What do you see? You. Your Eternal Jailor is usually your parent. You chose your parents because you can control THEM. Your mother is only the Jailor because that's the job you gave her for whatever reason. Contrary to belief, she is just is stuck as you are, only the other end of the aisle. Its a 2 way street. She may not be ready to unlock her end of the program, and if not that's ok. Her choice. If you run your Bars she might start questioning her reality and that's a start. The idea that you are trapped is an illusion you gave yourself. Look around you. The state of your house is a symbolic representation to your Eternal Jailor program. Notice a recurring theme wherever you live? A smell? Or cluttered or filthy, moldy, shitty state? Have you noticed your mother tells you to keep that filth (or whatever it is) a secret? That's because that's the key. Get off your a** and clean up! The prison is one you created to control YOU. Usually people who choose it create it because they are powerful and have beautiful gifts and talents and bought and aligned others judgments of them (usually out of a misunderstanding) the lie they are evil and dangerous so viciously they create the prison with the idea to protect others. Your mother may be the Eternal Jailor, but only because you gave her that job and told her to do that to you to keep you in your own cage. To break out you have to do the opposite of what your "senses" are telling you. If you are not allowed to drive long distances, get in the car and force yourself to do it anyway. Not allowed to ask for help cleaning up the filthy house or tell someone about whats going on? Do it anyway. Not allowed to drive at night? Do it anyway. Whatever it is you have been programmed was off limits, the opposite is what breaks it. You don't have to rush. Go slow, one day at a time. Start with little things.

There is only one kind of person who can handle years of self inflicted pain and torture.
If you survived years of this, there is no way in hell you are the weak and pathetic pile of shit you think you. 
You may go into "Yeah But You Don't Know My Situation!" - YES I Do! More Than You Wanna Know.

Its Time For a Jailbreak. Are You Willing To Do What It Takes To Break Free?